A Tribute to Housewives Everywhere

“She kisses my booboos

She braids my hair

We love you mothers everywhere.”

~Agnes (Despicable Me)

Having been a housewife for just half a year, I begin to realize how inappropriate the term Plain Housewife is. Whoever coined the term “Plain Housewife” must either be blindly ignorant or a male chauvinistic pig. Plain, you say? Well, here are some definitions of the word from TheFreeDictionary:

plain  (plān)

adj. plain·er, plain·est

1. Free from obstructions; open; clear: in plain view.

Well, this certainly does not describe a regular house without a maid. Who picks up everybody’s mess? Hubby’s belt, shoes, shirt, boxers (and what-not) left on the floor, on the couch, on the bed. The kids' toys littered in the hallway and the stairs. Answer: The housewife.

This is far from clear and one certainly cannot find things they are looking for in plain view amidst this mess. Who do you ask when looking for your favorite shirt, or your keys, your pair of old sneakers? Answer: Mommy

2. Obvious to the mind; evident: make one's intention plain.

Obvious to the mind? Well, why don’t we ask mommies if they know exactly what their babies want all the time? Or know where and how to start cleaning up the mess after everybody is gone from the house every morning?

3. Not elaborate or complicated; simple.

Simple? Uncomplicated? When did budgeting ever become simple and uncomplicated, especially if you have to scrimp and decide which basic necessity must be sacrificed for the month? How to say to your kid that you can’t afford a new pair of shoes to replace the worn out ones?

A housewife is not only a budget commissioner. On top of that, she’s also a doctor, a nurse, a dietician, nutritionist, cook, teacher, guidance counselor, confidante, and all-around maid. Juggling all those roles is anything but simple.

4. Straightforward; frank or candid

Only a few kids can take or understand a straightforward answer to their gazillion questions. So mothers have to be imaginative in giving answers. Being frank or candid sometimes hurts the husband. “Honey, sorry but you're not that good. I do fake the O most of the time.” Ouch!

5. Not mixed with other substances; pure

Why, housewives handle, use, and get stained or soaked with detergents, oil, grease, dust, dirt, fertilizer, insecticide, urine (of babies and pets) and a whole lot more substances on a daily basis!

6. Common in rank or station; average; ordinary.

After all I have said could you still describe a housewife as ordinary?

7. Not pretentious; unaffected.

Unaffected? How can someone be unaffected with the myriad things going on her plate and around her? The chaotic house, PMS (premenstrual syndrome), the husband’s rants about work, the kids’ squabble and rivalry, school issues, the in-laws intervention? One has to be in a coma to remain unaffected by these things.

8. Marked by little or no ornamentation or decoration.

Apron on, shoe laces around the neck, clothes hanger on one arm, clothespin clipped to the hair, gloves on, spatula on one hand, frying pan on the other… How many ornaments do you need?  

9. Not dyed, twilled, or patterned.

Occasional burns and cuts from making waffles, grills, quilts, cross-stitch, and crochets…need I say more?

10. Lacking beauty or distinction

I don’t know about you but for me, there’s nothing sweeter and sexier than a greasy, oily, sweaty housewife waiting for her husband with a ready and warm home-cooked meal.

11. Sheer; utter; unqualified

Unqualified? Are you serious???

12. Archaic Having no visible elevation or depression; flat; level.

Housewives’ blood pressure, what with their hands full most of the time, rise up and fall low without any warning. One minute she’s bellowing a high-pitched scream and helplessly crying the next.

So now, tell me. Is there anything plain about being a housewife? Not working in a company does not make a woman just plain. Why sometimes a housewife is even busier than the working woman. Well, a working woman with a maid at her disposal, that is. Because if she's also doing the work at home, then she's helluva busy :)

So, hats off to all housewives everywhere!  It’s a wonder how you are able to keep your sanity intact. I don’t know how you do it…at least not yet, but I’ll sure get there. After all, I am a woman! ;)